No Presents Please, Just Be Present!

At a recent wedding in our family, we had decided not to accept or give any gifts. It was going to be just a civil wedding followed by a party for near and dear ones. There would be no associated ceremonies like cocktails, mehndi, sangeet and the like. In keeping with the small nature of the occasion, we had requested all our guests not to bring any gifts, bouquets or envelopes. 

Today, when most of us are very particular about the kind of clothes we wear, we thought it was not such a good idea to give sarees and shirts of our choice to women and men. Gifting a decorative item for their house would not work too, for the same reason. Moreover, if we gave, we would have to receive too. We were not in favour of that either. So, just to keep things simple, we went ahead with this idea of no-give-and-take and wrote personal messages to our guests to that effect. Also, this was to be our token protest against the custom of gift-giving which has become more of a time-consuming formality, and less of a pleasurable activity in our circles. In some cases, perhaps out of social pressure too. At many weddings, I have seen unhappy recipients criticising the items they have received, only to dump them in the recesses of their cupboards or to recycle them at the next opportune moment. Then there is that ungainly concept of reciprocity lurking behind any kind of gift exchange. We intended to spare ourselves and our guests of all this.

Few wrote back to us saying they respected our wish. Some asked if we would be willing to accept gifts not at the party, but in the privacy of our home. When we said a polite no, they acquiesced with grace. It is not uncommon these days to see invitation cards sporting a line saying something as blunt as "No gifts please" or "Blessings only" to something more creative like "No presents please, just be present" or "Your blessings are the best gift". In many cases, gifts are exchanged privately at home, not publicly at the reception.

Some wondered how they would bless the couple without the aid of an envelope. Just say your blessings aloud, was my helpful reply! But some managed to hand over a gift or an envelope to us at an unguarded moment, at a time and place where we least expected it. A dear friend sent a parcel via post.

We do value their love and blessings, but we wish it came unencumbered, without the baggage of a box, or a packet, or an envelope. My other worry was: how do we prevent those who had respected our wish from feeling awkward if they saw us receiving something from somebody. It would be natural for them to feel bad if we accepted things from others.  Even an innocent greeting card in an envelope would turn heads and raise eyebrows if accepted at the party. It did happen and some people did ask and we told them it was only a card. Now greeting cards are at the boundary line, they are wishes. How can one possibly say no to them?

Our heartfelt thanks to all those who took time to come and personally greet the newlyweds at this important milestone in their lives, and to those who wrote or called to convey their wishes. Special gratitude to those who heeded our request and did not bring anything other than smiles, hugs and good wishes. Thank you so much for supporting our idea and going along with it. Without your support, our idea would not have worked. Your recognition of our plea of no-gift was the best gift to us!