Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Lotus Hocus Pocus!

This post has been inspired by a news item that appeared in The Times Of India today. To read it, click here.

Lotus farmers in Madhya Pradesh, beware! The Congress does not like the flowers that are blooming in your ponds. In fact, they are exploring ways to cover all the ponds with some waterproof material that will hide the unsightly blossoms from public view. The foremost condition is that the material should be completely opaque. Lightness, durability and reasonable price are other factors that will be looked at before assigning the task to an agency. Several proposals are flooding the Congress headquarters in the state. It is learnt that this project is being given top priority. Party office bearers are busy screening all the applications, while those who have submitted the proposals are waiting with bated breath to find out who the winner of this lucrative deal is going to be.

No doubt, this is going to be quite an arduous task. The terms of the contract will include identifying lotus-infested ponds in the state and covering their surfaces completely with some suitable material. This extreme measure has been necessitated by the sudden realization dawning on a few members of the Congress party that the wretched flower resembles the election symbol of the Bharatiya Janata Party. Now, anybody in his or her right mind would not want the voters to be reminded of the BJP when they are looking at a pond filled with lotuses, would they? Hence this cover-up seems to be the only option that would take care of the problem without offending anybody.

Picture by Lata
Some promising members of the party have shown rare far-sightedness and have already started thinking about how the pictures of Lakshmi, the Goddess of wealth, that adorn many houses and shops all over the state, can be altered making the customary flower invisible. This is a tricky task and no solution is in sight yet, though frantic efforts are going on.

Some enterprising loyalists of the party have drawn the seniors' attention to the fact that many men and women in the state are named after the flower and its synonyms. It is a deep-rooted tradition and very difficult to undo, but hey, maybe somebody would come up with a remedy for that too. After all, there's no harm in trying, is there?

Meanwhile the Bharatiya Janata Party in the state has got wind of the massive cover-up project about to be taken up by the Congress. They have started thinking in terms of ways to hide the hand. Now, one sympathises with the BJPwallahs as they have a humongous task laid out for them. Somebody proposed gloves, but it did not go down well with many in the Party. They said that the shape of the hand does not change even if it is covered with a glove. They are working on the feasibility of providing loose robes for everybody which would hide the whole hand behind their folds. As for the workability of this idea, trials are under way.

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