Wednesday, August 30, 2017

No Presents Please, Just Be Present!

At a recent wedding in our family, we had decided not to accept or give any gifts. It was going to be just a civil wedding followed by a party for near and dear ones. There would be no associated ceremonies like cocktails, mehndi, sangeet and the like. In keeping with the small nature of the occasion, we had requested all our guests not to bring any gifts, bouquets or envelopes. 

Today, when most of us are very particular about the kind of clothes we wear, we thought it was not such a good idea to give sarees and shirts of our choice to women and men. Gifting a decorative item for their house would not work too, for the same reason. Moreover, if we gave, we would have to receive too. We were not in favour of that either. So, just to keep things simple, we went ahead with this idea of no-give-and-take and wrote personal messages to our guests to that effect. Also, this was to be our token protest against the custom of gift-giving which has become more of a time-consuming formality, and less of a pleasurable activity in our circles. In some cases, perhaps out of social pressure too. At many weddings, I have seen unhappy recipients criticising the items they have received, only to dump them in the recesses of their cupboards or to recycle them at the next opportune moment. Then there is that ungainly concept of reciprocity lurking behind any kind of gift exchange. We intended to spare ourselves and our guests of all this.



Few wrote back to us saying they respected our wish. Some asked if we would be willing to accept gifts not at the party, but in the privacy of our home. When we said a polite no, they acquiesced with grace. It is not uncommon these days to see invitation cards sporting a line saying something as blunt as "No gifts please" or "Blessings only" to something more creative like "No presents please, just be present" or "Your blessings are the best gift". In many cases, gifts are exchanged privately at home, not publicly at the reception.

Some wondered how they would bless the couple without the aid of an envelope. Just say your blessings aloud, was my helpful reply! But some managed to hand over a gift or an envelope to us at an unguarded moment, at a time and place where we least expected it. A dear friend sent a parcel via post.

We do value their love and blessings, but we wish it came unencumbered, without the baggage of a box, or a packet, or an envelope. My other worry was: how do we prevent those who had respected our wish from feeling awkward if they saw us receiving something from somebody. It would be natural for them to feel bad if we accepted things from others.  Even an innocent greeting card in an envelope would turn heads and raise eyebrows if accepted at the party. It did happen and some people did ask and we told them it was only a card. Now greeting cards are at the boundary line, they are wishes. How can one possibly say no to them?

Our heartfelt thanks to all those who took time to come and personally greet the newlyweds at this important milestone in their lives, and to those who wrote or called to convey their wishes. Special gratitude to those who heeded our request and did not bring anything other than smiles, hugs and good wishes. Thank you so much for supporting our idea and going along with it. Without your support, our idea would not have worked. Your recognition of our plea of no-gift was the best gift to us!

16 comments:

  1. This was a very good idea but very difficult to implement
    I am happy that you could do it with lots of follow-up without hearting their feelings.
    Congratulations.

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    1. Latatai ..I really appreciated the way you all executed the wedding.Not only about gift exchange but the simplicity of the entire ceremony too.Now that you have introduced it in our family..we would love to follow your footsteps for the above concept..

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    2. Thank you...we tried our best not to hurt anybody's feelings...hope we succeeded in that. Yes, it is difficult to implement.

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    3. Thank you Manju for your endorsement of the idea and your support.

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  2. Nice thought.... Agree with your sentiment. Well expressed in your post too:)

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    1. Thank you Vasuda for your appreciation!

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  3. We do respect your feelings though it was difficult for us to digest in today's world.

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    1. Thank you Subhashdada for respecting our feelings even if you were not comfortable with it to begin with.

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  4. เคฒเคคा เค†เคชเค•ी เคชोเคธ्เคŸ เคชเฅी। เคฏुเค—ांเคคเคฐเค•ाเคฐी เคธोเคš เค•े เคธाเคฅ เค…เคชเคจे เคฌेเคŸे เค•े เคตिเคตाเคน เค•ो เค†เคชเคจे เคธंเคชเคจ्เคจ เค•िเคฏा เคเคคเคฆเคฐ्เคฅ เคฌเคงाเคˆ। เคธเคฎाเคœ เคฎे เคนเคฎ เคเค• เคฆूเคธเคฐे เค•े เค•เคธ्เคŸเคฎ เคซाเคฒोเคตเคฐ เคนैं เค”เคฐ เคฏเคนी เคตเคœเคน เคนै เค•ि เคนเคฐ เคตैเคตाเคนिเค• เคธเคฎाเคฐोเคน เคฎें เคœเคฌ เคนเคฎ เคœाเคคे เคนैं เคคो เคฆूเคฒ्เคนा-เคฆुเคฒ्เคนเคจ เค—िเคซ्เคŸ्เคธ เคต เคจเค—เคฆ เค•े เคฒिเคซाเคซे เคธเคนเคฐ्เคท เค—्เคฐเคนเคฃ เค•เคฐเคคे เคนैं। เคฆเคฐเค…เคธเคฒ เคฏเคน เคเค• เค†เคงाเคฐเคญूเคค เคตिเคšाเคฐ เคฐเคนा เคนोเค—ा เค•ि เคตिเคตाเคน เคœिเคธ เคต्เคฏเค•्เคคि เค•े เคฏเคนां เคนोเคจे เคœाเคฐเคนा เคนै เค‰เคธे เค•ुเค› เคธเคนाเคฏเคคा เค†เคฐ्เคฅिเค• เคฐूเคช เคฎें เคฎिเคฒเคœाเค เคคाเค•ि เคเค• เคฌเฅœे เค–เคฐ्เคšे เค•े เคฆौเคฐ เคฎें เคตเคน เค•ुเค› เคจिเคฐ्เคญाเคฐ เคนोเคœाเคฏे। เค…เคธ्เคคु เค†เคชเคจे เคœो เคญी เค•ेเคฆ्เคฐीเคฏ เคตिเคšाเคฐ เค•े เคธाเคฅ เคจเคˆ เคธोเคš เค•ो เค…เคฎเคฒ เค•िเคฏा เคตเคน เคธ्เคตाเค—เคค เคฏोเค—्เคฏ เคนै।

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    1. เคงเคจ्เคฏเคตाเคฆ เคชंเค•เคœ เคœी. เคฏเคน เคเค• เค›ोเคŸी-เคธी เคชเคนเคฒ เคฅी เคœो เคธเคฌเค•े เคธเคนเค•ाเคฐ्เคฏ เค•े เค•ाเคฐเคฃ เค•ाเคซी เคนเคฆ เคคเค• เคธเคซเคฒ เคนुเคˆ.

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  5. Great idea well implemented ����

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    1. Thank you Sunil for your support!

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    2. Well thought and well implemented.One of our guests, who is my first cousin, named it as really unique and said that this should be the pattern and style of all Indian weddings.I think the children too should be applauded for their great decision, to have a civil wedding and accept blessings as gifts,and firmly standing by it.We have done it to a great extent and hope this proves to be an awakening amongst other parents and their children to brave such simple yet unique weddings spreading only smiles everywhere.

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    3. Thank you! Yes, of course the children were with us all along the way. The "we" in my post includes them. Kudos to them!!

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